The Myth and Medicine of Mothers
- Elle Sojourner, Certified Life Cycle Celebrant™
- May 13
- 7 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
It’s the time of year when we honor our mothers – or not. The social script tells us exactly how we should feel and celebrate our very first teacher. What this expectation fails to acknowledge is the spectrum of experiences. If you are a human being, you came from a womb. That womb was attached to someone who began shaping your life before you took your first breath. Did you hear and feel her laughter, her tears, her stress, her self-care? Some mothers cultivated our experiences and beliefs with great intention. Some of us learned from our mother’s lack of parental focus. In either circumstance, we all share one commonality – our mothers are the catalysts for lifelong lessons.
✨The Soul Seed
A glimpse into this post’s essence.
The cultural norm of honoring our mothers brings forward a broad spectrum of memories, emotions, and experiences.
This can be a source of enlightenment and growth – no matter your relationship with your mother.
Mothering yourself with curiosity and compassion is the pathway to authenticity, healing, and deeper connection with life.
The Mother Archetype
This space is not designed to loathe the human beings who happen to be women, who happen to become mothers. Nor is it designed to put us all to sleep with the rhetoric of the saintly mother who is immune to truth. This platform is a place to be held in your truth. The role of mother is an archetype. It’s just a myth about the expectations and norms we place upon our womb bearers. Myths are things of fantasy.
Whether you are the main character in a love story or a horror story, your experience as a daughter is real and valid. Your body, mind, and spirit remind you every day.
Mother’s Day
In the United States, the second Sunday of May is annually heralded as Mother’s Day. Anna Jarvis, who was never a mother herself, founded the holiday to honor her own mother who bore over ten children. Anna was devoted to the campaign to make Mother’s Day a national holiday. After succeeding, she eventually became disgruntled over the commercialization of what was meant to be a sacred time. Anna then became an anti-Mother’s Day activist. She started a petition to repeal the holiday and spent the rest of her money and life fighting for this revocation. To this day, the media and retailers remind us to buy flowers, cards, sweets, and more. The same ads that cause some to look forward to celebrating cause others to swirl in gratitude, confusion, longing, and even grief. The irony is not lost.
To Celebrate or Not To Celebrate
That is THE question. It largely depends upon your maternal dynamics – in the earthly and spiritual realm. We all fall into a few basic categories:
Your mother is alive, and she is a source of light in your life.
Your mother is alive, and she is a source of darkness in your life.
Your mother is no longer living, and she was a source of light in your life.
Your mother is no longer living, and she was a source of darkness in your life.
These categories are broad, and it is very possible for you to have known several different seasons. There are a plethora of dynamics and details in the mother-child journey. There are broken relationships that healed, physical and mental illness, divorce, absent or departed mothers who have never been known, seemingly positive experiences that were built upon lies, cycles of addiction that can lead to seasons of both abuse and stability, and the list could go on.
I Know of What I Speak
This blog is laced with academic data from my degree in social and behavioral science. It also leans heavily upon the anecdotal wisdom from my work in human resources and my own self-development journey. All of this pales in comparison to my lived experience as a part of the adoption constellation. This afforded me two mothers, two fathers, stepparents, raised | half | step siblings, and a lot of dotted line and adjacent family relationships. My story is not the topic of our conversation today, but you are welcome to learn more in my other works. What I will tell you is my atypical origin story seems it could be the stuff of fiction. But I was there, and I lived it. My mothers were the unintentional catalysts for my masterclass in love.
The Role of Daughter
Just like most of you reading this, I am a daughter. It was my first role. And, also like you, this is the mirror from which I learned how to experience love, nurturing, safety, comfort, acceptance, self-worth, and boundaries. The rules of engagement for womanhood come from our mothers. The most fortunate of us have a living, breathing model placed before us like a well-produced YouTube video. We can observe healthy behaviors that generate positive outcomes. We are given a safety net so we can practice flying until we soar alone. Some of us are left to deduce best practices as a woman. We observe the challenges, failures, and even absence of our mothers. There are those who learn from their longings and unmet needs. Others may be the benefactors of a mix of these two spectrums because, let’s face it, eighteen years of childhood is a long time. A mother can be many iterations of herself in that time frame. Think of it like chapters of a really important and interesting book!
And now, you are here. You were likely drawn to the title because you desire more peace in your relationship with your mother. In lieu of Mother’s Day cards and movies, it is my deep honor to offer wisdom for the journey in the form of a ritual for healing. I walk this path alongside you. I am a mother myself. I have a living mother. And I have a departed mother. After years of practice in all these spaces, this is the process I have curated for my own heart to call forth acceptance, clarity, healing, strength, and, on good days - peace.
The Alchemy of Wounds and Wisdom
The Wounds: Identify What Hurts
Get real about thoughts, behaviors, and experiences that, although normalized for you, are unhealthy.
Accept that unhealthy can be defined by you according to how your body, mind, and spirit feel.
Detach from narratives that encourage tolerance of these experiences or shift the onus of the action from the mother.
Be honest about how you feel, and get curious about how the hurt shows up in your own life.
Note: This step is a dance. Be brave enough to do the work and strong enough to move forward when the time is right. You can, and likely will, repeat this process for different issues. Be mindful of marinating in victimhood, blame, or wearing the pain as your identity. It can be helpful to get support – guided journals, support groups, a spiritual or mental health professional. Everyone is different. Do what works for you.
The Whispers (or shouts) of the Wounds: Identify Your Medicine
Let the pain guide you to your heart’s deepest desires.
Ask yourself: what do I need? What is the balm for this hurt? This can be as simple as wanting the opposite of the source of the pain. Example: If you were often overlooked by your mother, you may benefit from joining a social group centered around something personal or professional that you are passionate about. You can manufacture acceptance and practice shining your light!
Note: There can be layers to these wounds. Be patient with yourself and gentle with your methods. You can try a variety of modalities and even start and stop, as needed. Example: My emotional wounds were prone to being deeply embodied as physical pain. Through trial and error, I discovered that I must do somatic work in tandem with any type of talk therapy. And I take breaks from talk therapy to allow myself to metabolize and practice what I’ve learned.
The Healing: Opening to Your New Normal
Play with the truth of who you are as primordial love.
Be proud of your courage, wisdom, and growth.
Give yourself permission to change your mind or know a different truth.
Know thyself – the grown-up version!
Strive for contentment, but be kind and curious when the peace just isn’t there.
Note: Love is always your guide. Fear is always a liar.
The Infinite Love: Mothering Yourself
Be the love you desire.
Learn to graciously allow others to nourish your spirit.
Remember there is no finish line. Be in love with who you are in the present.
Share your wisdom with those who seek it. Being able to teach is a sign of mastery.
Note: When you reach this step, it is no longer about your mother. It is about transformation. You are the benefactor of whatever your womb bearer, intentionally or unintentionally, taught you about the archetype of mother and womanhood.
No matter where you are on this journey, know that it is ever evolving. The destination is more love. Curiosity and compassion are the antidotes to haste, harshness, and resistance. You have a lifetime to grow and bloom. Victory resides in the boldness to allow your wounds to transform.
May we all be met with the kind of love we needed, even if it must come from within.
No judgment. All love.
✨To Close the Circle
In essence: All mothers are teachers – we decide how to alchemize the love, wounds, and wisdom. The journey is much vaster than every second Sunday in May.
No mud, no lotus. -Thich Nhat Hahn
☀️Shine Your Light! Join us at the SoulShine Festival on July 13, 2025, in Rockville, MD. It is hosted by my sisters in the light – Heart and Soul Alchemy. Learn more: https://www.theheartandsoulalchemy.com/soulshine-festival
🤎Ready to deepen your journey? Enjoy complementary goodies, register for a Quantum Love Alchemy Session, or stay in the know by signing up for the Soul Notes newsletter. Learn more: https://bio.site/ellesojourner
Comments